A maker not a baker!

I love cake, it's my go to safety net when the world wants to make me cry and will be sure to provide the inside out cuddle that I need when my latest project isn't quite perfect. The down side to this... I can't bake. I'm not being modest here, or looking for friends to tell me that I can, I genuinely can't do it. So much so that when my latest attempts failed even my pooch walked away in utter disgust!

And my pooch, he would walk a tightrope to get to cake! I know owner like dog.

I know that I have other skills, as a friend recently told me I can 'sew the f**k out of anything', and when it comes to actual cooking, my dinners always go down a treat (at people attended dinner parties- not just with the dog) but when God was handing out all the necessaries that create the perfect female I must have been climbing trees with the angel Gabriel when baking was dished out! Although I'm chuffed to bits with who I am and the skills I have, I think God did a pretty decent job putting me together, as with all things, much wants more and I want that extra missing piece. 

Now I've heard the usuals, 'it takes time,' 'you just need to practice,' 'follow the recipe exactly and you can't go wrong.' Well let me tell all you Nigella's and Delia's you can go wrong, you can go very wrong! The cakes still decorating my pooch's food plate tasted like petrol, they were like a wet flannel on the inside and crispier than Doritos on the outside. And don't be fooled into thinking this was a one off, before the fairy cakes came the flapjack that looked fantastic but because I put the thing on the top shelf, tasted like the burning of grease proof paper that had nearly taken me and my kitchen to meet my maker.

Can you see the burn lines? I cut most of them off before my fella caught me. Although, to be fair his remark of, 'it doesn't smell like its going well to be honest babe' probably suggests that he is onto me!

It is somewhat demoralising to watch your husband retch as he tries to make you feel better by tasting the cake and it makes me wonder if I should try to grow an extra boob to compensate for the lacking of femininity that baking provides. It's about as likely as me learning how to actually bake!

It's fair to say that through to my very core I am a maker not a baker and as much as I would love to be one, I will happily buy my goodies from one of you gifted people out there and pray that you have a smidgen of the jealousy that I feel about my crafting as I do about your baking- it would only be fair after all!